Lolita Sells

When Madison Ave didn't try to hide it

Not a newsflash: Men like younger women. Exhibit one, Jeffrey Epstein’s bank account.

Let’s not go down the “not all men” road. If I’m not talking about you, fellas, that’s great. No need to speak up. If you’re more comfortable with me saying, “Ad men like younger women” ok, I’ll say that. Let’s move on.

From day one, the male gaze dictated youth was king. Or in this case, queen.

Prof Mack, hanging out in Suite 1004 on Fifth Ave, waiting for the dough to come pouring in, in the 1890s. How many women had their own 10 bucks then? That amount equates to around $350 today. But what better investment could be made, as the Prof asks. No doubt women could talk hubby out of that $10, with minimal persuasion. “Cmon, honey, it reduces my enlarged glands!”

Fast forward to the 70s, when Ivory soap touted Mrs. Willis Peterson’s youthful skin. I guess she doesn’t have a first name.

Well, can you? More importantly, why would you want to? “The big girl’s soap for complexions with that little girl look.” Oh, ok. More doctors recommend Ivory. I never thought to ask my doc to recommend a soap that would make me look three again. But now I might. No need to check out any kind of face work. Hey, Mrs. Willis P, if your dude craves the “little girl look” you might check the Epstein emails to see what he’s been up to lately. And get Mimi into therapy, tout suite.

Keep those teeth white, girls. Your future depends on it. Leave the science-ing to the boy brains. Why is he looking at her like that? Not just sexist, but pure creepazoid.

Let’s talk Love’s Baby Soft, the notorious epitome of the creepy ads from my youth. Love Cosmetics were a mainstay of Seventeen advertising. Remember? Did you think twice when you saw these ads back then? I didn’t. This kind of thinking was ingrained in us.

“Innocence is sexier than you think.” Maybe we didn’t know that in 1974, but we’re clear on it in 2025, thanks.

Bonus: check out the TV ad version of the print ad. The voice-over sounds a little too much like our current so-called prez, but maybe that’s just my imagination. Or a prescient coincidence.

Here’s a hit parade of Love’s Baby Soft ads. Featuring those icons of the pedophilic male gaze, a teddy bear and Brooke Shields.

When a product already had the name “baby” in it, the marketing was easy-peasy. Here’s Ali McGraw in a baby bonnet, circa 1971, just as she shot to super-stardom as a college co-ed in the movie Love Story.

We slathered ourselves in baby oil while we broiled in the sun back then. It was such an effective strategy, especially when you added iodine! Why iodine? I never asked why, I just added it. My college roommate had a folding reflective screen you held under your face to soak up even more dangerous rays while sun bathing. You could probably also fry bacon that way. We thought it was genius. This was in the before days, before tanning booths, and definitely before sunscreen and skin cancer worries.

Baby oil wasn’t just for baking in the sun, though.

It did a lot more. It could help keep a body “over sixteen or so” baby soft all over. “If you’re woman enough to want the skin of a baby.” Personally my needs were addressed in the first part of the ad, the “while a young face can sometimes have more than enough oil” part. Gadzooks, mine did. Did anyone really put baby oil on their bod if they weren’t lobster-baking themselves in the sun?

The only time I ever used it for anything else was after a high school hazing ceremony my freshman year. Before girls could participate in “real” sports like boys, an organization existed called the Girls Recreation Association. Its mission was to allow girls to play intramural sports after school, not in any official sense, just as a way to hang out. No idea why I joined that. The first order of business was the initiation ceremony, led by older girls. They put Vaseline in our hair, and dumped flour on us, among other things. Real sporty. For about a week, we came to school with matted hair, because shampoo doesn’t touch Vaseline, in case you wondered. Someone’s mother discovered that baby oil would cut the petroleum and voila, it was gone! And I was done with GRA.

Johnson’s ran with the Lolita theme for its ubiquitous powder, too. Check it out.

Stalker much? She smelled “so fresh, so real, so gentle.” Not a witch in sight with baby powder on hand. He IS irresistible with that guitar, though.

Along even creepier lines, behold this British gem, featuring Johnny Young and his 3 ft tall daughter, Anna. They both love dousing themselves in baby powder. Pure and soft.

TV ads for baby powder kept up the search for idyllic purity.

Hey Ronald, your baby is ready. Heads up, big sis. If Ronald likes em young, he might prefer your little sis. Probably not though, she’s not soft and fresh; she likes baseball.

Ok, I've kept you long enough. Trust me when I say these ads are the tip of the iceberg when it comes to selling the desire for youthful innocence to women, on behalf of men.

I leave you with this one. It has it all.

How about you? Were you a Love’s Baby Soft girl? Myself, I loved how the inside of my mittens smelled like my Emeraude hand cream. Later in high school I was a Charlie girl. In college, I was a Chanel No 5 girl, that seemed the height of sophistication. In my 20s, Calandre by Paco Rabanne took over.

At none of these ages was smelling like a baby on my agenda.

*************************************************************************************************************

Just one more thing.

I’m proud to be part of the Iowa Writers Collaborative. Click the link to read the work of my fellow writers, all with Iowa connections. We provide content for free, with paid subscription options. When you subscribe, the variety of topics and voices will add spice to your daily reading, I promise. Thank you!

The IWC Holiday Party is Wednesday, December 17 at 7pm, at the Harkin Institute in Des Moines. It’s FREE for paid subscribers to any IWC writer’s Substack, or $35 at the event. The fantastic Weary Ramblers will perform, and IWC writers will be there, so come say hello and enjoy the festivities! Please RSVP here. See you there!