Christmas at Seventeen

Decking the teenage halls

When the highly anticipated December issue of Seventeen arrived in the mail each year of my teens, it was officially Christmas. Whew, now I’d know what to wear, watch, give, bake, and wrap.

My Seventeen magazine collection includes some of these coveted December issues. In my look back, I found some of the editorial more interesting than the ads, in regard to measuring the zeitgeist at the time.

Here’s the 1969 cover.

Popular cover model Bonnie Lysohir is featured throughout the magazine in both ads and editorial. She later became the executive vice-president and director of women’s fashion at Barneys Inc. in NYC, Theory, and Ralph Lauren. Photo by Dider Dorot.

Um, in 1969, women used tape as a hair styling tool. 3M had an answer for everything. Do they have an answer for why they stuck a woman’s head on a pedestal for this ad? Something about wanting a doll but now being a doll.

In the real world, on December 1, 1969, the first draft lottery in the United States since 1942 was held. The Rolling Stones hosted a concert in Altamont, CA, using the Hell’s Angels as security, and four people died in the resulting crowd violence. It was cops vs Black Panthers in LA. The #1 song on Billboards Hot 100 was Peter, Paul, and Mary’s “Leaving on a Jet Plane,” written by John Denver. The Jackson 5 made their first appearance on Ed Sullivan. Diana Ross left the Supremes to go solo.

Did Seventeen magazine cover any of these events in their December issue? Heck no. There was stuff to sell.

I trusted Seventeen to keep me current on cultural offerings. From 1948-1988, their arts and entertainment editor was Edwin Miller. Yep, for 40 years a male told girls what to watch, read, and listen to each month. When Miller sought a job in journalism or advertising, he landed at Seventeen. This fascinating and thoroughly researched piece by Susannah Jacob for Paris Review explains how that happened.

In the December 1969 issue, Miller published a gift guide for girls shopping for boyfriends. Natch. Here’s what he had to say about future New Yorker magazine film critic Pauline Kael’s now-classic first book of essays.

Watch out, gals, Pauline’s lady opinions might piss off your man! Be prepared to “bear the brunt of his ire.” In other words, if your honey starts throwing shit at you, it’s your own fault. Don’t say Edwin Miller didn’t warn you.

For the girl who has everything, try a wig. “Wear them now, or stuff them in your handbag for later.” That somehow sounds creepy. They even fool experts. Exactly what experts, they don’t say. Instant beauty, straight from Japan. No one would ever guess this was a wig.

Let’s see what Seventeen had up its sleeve for Christmas in 1973.

Holly Colburn, photograph by Alex Chastain.

Stop the presses. GIRLS DRIVE BETTER THAN BOYS. Who wrote this? Turns out, a woke dude named Milt Machlin did.

As for Milt, check this out. According to Wikipedia, Milt moved on from women drivers to bigger things.

Milt Machlin was an American journalist, author and adventurer. He helped popularize the phrases "Bermuda Triangle" and "Abominable Snowman" and led an expedition to attempt to find Michael Rockefeller, who disappeared in New Guinea in 1961.

I hope he hired female drivers for these escapades.

And Edwin Miller was at it again, recommending Breezy as the movie of the month.

Clint Eastwood’s third film as a director. Just a simple story about a middle-aged man having an affair with a 17 year-old girl. William Holden was 55 at the time of filming, and desperate for a film role. Kay Lenz was 19. Tidbits Edwin Miller left out of his review: After he signed for the part, Holden said to Eastwood, "You know, I've been that guy," and Eastwood responded, "Yeah, I thought so." Allegedly, Eastwood himself was “infatuated” with Kay Lenz during the shoot. The film was a flop at the box office. Woof.

But never mind movies about creeps. Get your man some fancy-smelling cologne.

Accessory cases, glass decanters, hairspray, and even ICED Hai Karate, that’s “colder, wetter, friendlier.” Men’s cologne took on human qualities in 1973. Your search for a “wetter” liquid is over, ladies!

Dammit, don’t let rough elbows be an unsightly problem for a pretty girl like you! Just pop those elbows into half a lemon and you’re good to go. And don’t forget to order the poster with “lots more ideas” for making the most of your lemons, from the geniuses at Sunkist.

Here’s a little fa la la to cap off 1973.

The December 1974 issue is one of the rare covers that didn’t feature a girl. Somebody messed something up on the way to publication, no doubt. Hopefully, Christmas poems by Rod McKuen helped soften the blow.

Wait, a…tree? Where’s the girl? Photo by Bill Margerin.

This last minute gift guide meets all your needs, even if you have an unsightly mustache! And you could buy the whole enchilada for under 15 bucks, kids. Don’t forget those new-look short fat candles.

Hey hippie girls, try some of these tricks “from days gone by” this holiday season, many designed to help you catch that ever-elusive man. A piece of cake would never last under my pillow, sorry. And what a waste! Save the cake, sleep on your back instead. Right after you put spices in your shoes. And grope, I mean tap, your blind-folded friends.

John-Boy Walton was writing poetry, for $1.95 a copy. True confession: I had this book. I was a sucker for John-Boy and poetry. Is that so wrong? Be nice. I didn’t have to tell you that. I have no memory of the humor, irony, and affection. Well maybe the irony.

Sometime in the middle of 1975, the magazine went from its 13 1/8 x 10 3/8 inch size to a puny 11 x 8. Postage rates went up, and there was a paper shortage. I stopped reading Seventeen in July of that year, since I was headed off to college, and any self-respecting college co-ed knew it was time to move on to Mademoiselle.

Cover model Cheri Marteau, aka Cheri La Roque, photo by Al Giese.

I mean, check it out. The Osmonds? I was into Eric Clapton, Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young, Joe Cocker, and the Stones. And being stoned.

Everything old is new again. We were talking about junk food in kid’s lunches in 1975.

And I wasn’t about the spend 3 whole dollars on these idiotic t-shirts.

Thank you, Julie from St. Louis, MO, for these tips, especially #2, to keep me safe on the dance floor. After reading all the tips here, I’m shocked I survived the disco era. It was treacherous.

Edwin finally got it right for me. Almost everyone who knows me knows I saw my first Bruce Springsteen concert at Hancher Auditorium in Iowa City on September 26, 1975, and my life changed forever. I’ll let David Sitz’s 2022 University of Iowa magazine account of that night tell the story. 2600 of us witnessed a guy on the cusp of fame, and David’s story puts it into perspective. The University of Iowa was bringing fantastic rock music to the school, and my friends and I reaped the benefits.

Meanwhile, though Edwin had recognized the genius of Springsteen, in the back of the December 1975 issue, Seventeen mag still touted ads for schools that prepared women for jobs that kept us in our lanes. But Mount Ida, first a “finishing school” in the late 1800’s and later a junior college, is no more. In January 2026, UMass Amherst will rename the Mount Ida Campus to the Charles River Campus of Mass Amherst.

Here’s wishing you all a wonderful holiday season. Take it easy on yourselves. Being together is what matters, right? We’ve grown past the pressure of that nonsense Seventeen touted, haven’t we? Say yes.

Coming up next: have you noticed, like I did back in the 70s, Black women weren’t on Seventeen’s cover? I’ll bring you the first issues that finally moved the needle on “Young America’s Favorite (White) Magazine,” and the stories of the models who graced those covers.

I’m proud to be part of the Iowa Writers Collaborative. Click the link to read the work of my fellow writers, all with Iowa connections. We just celebrated with a kick-ass gathering in Des Moines at the Harkin Center! If you were there, thank you.

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